My screen saver says bloggers suck.

It says it right there. Thank you iTunes screen saver setting for the shits and giggles. If bloggers do suck, well.. looks like you've stepped in it now. No, no, carry on reading then. Ingest the suckuledge of Bloggers. Uh.. blogger. Or actually, go ahead and skip to the ending then. \Or just keep reading and see where this takes you. Cuz you know, from the beginning, it said it right there. My action is mocked, and yet I carried on amusing you with tales of a musing, of not faking it even when it sucks, of approaching things organically. And I do. This is the part where I skip the BS of how I learned the lesson and say blogging only sucks when and if it does and feel happiness in thinking…and you just skipped to the ending! Lazy fuck. 

I'm one of "those" people now.

I'm one of those people now.

Actually, you know what's worse? Not only have I become one of those special diet regimen people, but I can't even tell you what I call it, and living in Los Angeles I feel very cliche. I'm not Vegan or Vegetarian or Pescatarian. So what is it? When it comes to meat, I only eat organic, preferably local farm raised. I know! I already sound pretentious. To top it off I plan to only eat organic with everything else too, it's just my wallet won't allow that just yet. For now I've basically been eating vegetarian everywhere but home, and even at home I find that I'm happy with only eating meat every so often, not all the time. So I'm not somethingarian, but more so something weirdian.

See, to me it's not about eating meat vs not. In the end, I believe in evolution and I think the high-protein meat diet we've had as humans, thanks to the tool making abilities that made us excellent hunters, played a key factor in our brain development and us staying ahead of other species on the evolutionary ladder. And I don't believe it's wrong that things eat each other. Nature repeats this everywhere. I mean even extreme vegans talk about raw foods containing more "life force", and that's the thing, in the end it's all an energy exchange. To me life is life and even though plants are more abundant and a lot less like us than animals, it's still a living thing that we want to consume for the energy exchange. Yeah, I get it though, animals can be cuter.

If you're thinking wtf, how'd this even come about in the 1st place? I staycationed for a bit and watched too many documentaries about our food and the result has been this. 

I don't want to eat food created in that unsustainable factory environment that has become the norm. You know, I now despise Monsanto. A company that has exhibited anti-competitive and unfair pricing practices with farmers. This is a company out to *own the food we grow. Google them and right now the first entry is a link to their site and the text reads "If there were one word to explain what Monsanto is about, it would have to be farmers.".  I laughed. Of course, money talks and not getting as much money as they wanted made them change their tune a little bit recently, but that's because the word was out. Word coming from dissatisfied farmers that didn't buy their new seed products this year and made them fall short of projections. Their shareholders I'm sure didn't care for that.

Put aside the bullying of small farmers using the kind of deep pockets and lawyers Monsanto has, and I still don't care for what they're selling. And they just deal mostly with corn (our highly subsidized crop here in the US, hello high-fructose corn syrup!) and soy, but in general I don't want to support the system of food grown using pesticides that pests only become more resistant to and so more and more pesticide has to be used. Specially because the alternative is what has worked for years upon years! More and more pesticides isn't going to lead to safer food.

I also don't want meat from animals that are mistreated and pumped full of hormones. Animals that swim in their own filth because of the factory environment they're in.

I know too much about where my food comes from and so I feel the need to push for change. The great thing about money though is that if consumers demand that their food be organic and refuse anything else, then that's what they'll sell us. As I said before, money does talk. Imagine organic farms being the ones subsidized in order to make quality organic food affordable for everyone.

I feel kind of silly with my diet, but at the same time I'm really happy and my body is showing me it likes it too. And you know what, if I go to your barbecue I think cheating on my diet will not make our world crumble. What I eat is such a miniscule stamp. I can change things a lot more by acquiring wealth and using it to build a more sustainable system. I won't be one of "those" people; the prick lecturing you or making you feel guilty about what you're eating by not eating anything. Actually, If it's not rude I'll bring some farm raised organic to contribute. And if I have to eat what I've eaten most of my life anyways in order to not be a shitty guest, I think in that scenario it's better to swallow my pride a little while I swallow your grilled masterpiece. And of course, if we had the same dietary principles, your barbecue is my kind of barbecue and we better come up with a name for this diet!

Don't Fake It!

As a guy, I gotta tell you, it's easy to believe that there is something in our hormonal makeup that makes us constantly think about sex. In our culture, it's also easy to buy into the idea that girls don't think about, talk, or want sex as much as guys do. Well, I call bullshit.

Growing up with lots of girls in my family I realized that a lot of the stereotypes we hold about girls and their interest in sex was wrong. Not only do they want it, and fantasize about it, when they talk about it with each other they go into a lot more detail than us guys ever do. In the end, we're all human and it's in our species' best interest to have both sexes have a strong desire to mate, so we both do.

Desire is one thing, delivery is another. Yeah, making a baby is simple enough, but enjoyment of making said baby or enjoyment of "practice" at making said baby can be challenging to one of the parties involved. To please a guy, it's as simple as letting us in. I feel for you ladies. I don't see it being so simple for you. Girls just have a more complex arousal system.

Now ask anyone, girl or guy, that has ever had an orgasm if they would like to have another one sometime, and a resounding "Of course!" is sure to follow. Orgasms are truly a wonderful thing and we ALL want them. Ask any non-virgin guy if he's ever had an orgasm during intercourse and chances are extremely high that yes is the answer. Now ask women the same question and a sad fact is revealed: Some of them haven't. Like ever. Like not once. Now, ask those same women if they've ever faked it and chances are that their response is yes.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know it's our fault. Girls do that because us men are fucking pitifully sensitive about our performance in that department and they don't wanna hurt our feelings. Quite frankly if I was having sex and it wasn't doing anything for me, I'd want to do something to speed things up to a close so I can go get myself off or simply get on with my life too. Add to that the fact that even in porn, where you'd think "hey, this guy does this for a living, he should know what he's doing" you see guys who obviously are not all that sure of where the clit is. Pitiful.

As much as I get why it happens, it makes me so sad when I hear a girl say "I have faked it a lot". This blog entry is directed both at the sensitive ego dumbasses & at women who are making said dumbass think that what he's doing is actually working. That, to me, is the blind leading the blind and you are likely to get nowhere.

I will not say that a girl has never faked it with me. I dunno. I guess I hope not, but hey, we're not born knowing how to get a girl off, so at some point you're clumsy at it & who knows if you'll be lucky enough to stumble across a victory. I know at the beginning I definitely didn't. I guess she didn't think my ego would be hurt by her honesty. It was. But I saw it as temporary defeat, and was excited for my next chance at success, and even more excited when success finally happened.

I have more experience now, and it's because of said experience that I say this: If you want to not have to fake it, I ask of you ladies one thing... PLEASE, DO NOT FAKE IT. It will never teach him what really gets you off. I guess if you are eliminating him from any future access to your goodies, than maybe then it's not a big deal, but it really isn't a good plan for the long run. And to you guys...PLEASE STOP LETTING YOUR SENSITIVE EGO GET IN THE WAY OF GOOD SEX. Get your head out of your ass, stop thinking you're God's gift to women, and let who you are make her feel comfortable enough to help you along.

A little trust, communication, and exploration of tactics and you'll find out what gets her off. If you think it's always as simple as stick it in and go back and forth, then you have the sexual prowess of a pimply teen. My best advice if you're having problems getting her off through intercourse would be to have her let you watch her while she gets herself off. See how she gets herself there. It'll clue you in on her most sensitive areas, and how and when she likes to be touched where. This is different for every girl. This can also be a difficult thing to let you in on for a shy girl, but well worth it if she can get past the shyness. And then hey, remember that a girl's ability to get there has a lot to do with what's happening mentally. As a guy you should help that mental dance to the top by paying attention to her cues and responding. That will keep that mental game in the right place. Most of all - pay attention motherfucker. If you were paying attention in the first place, she wouldn't have to fake it.

Okay. One final note to you ladies....Remember you are beautiful. We are not picking apart little imperfections while we are in there. We're happy to be in the situation and probably just trying to make sure we can last long enough to get you off. If you're thinking self conscious bullshit, you're fucking with something that could impede you getting there...your mind! Hey lady, you deserve all the orgasms in the world no matter who you are, so allow yourself the pleasure. One of the girls that I have had the best time with in bed told me that she had to learn to let go before she was ever able to have an orgasm from intercourse regularly.

There it is. Let go, and don't fake it. I wish you happy trials! and even happier victories! ;)

Artist Without a Muse

This is my very first blog entry *ever. If you know me personally, it might be surprising that I didn't already have a blog. Maybe upon learning that I am now blogging, a roll of the eyes will be triggered. The thing is not only can I talk A LOT, but my censoring function is practically nonexistent. My mind is dirty and my soul possibly tainted. It's not all bad. I'm actually an extremely positive person, but at the same time, quite the cynic. Bit of an oxymoron, I know. See, I think our species is selfish, stupid, arrogant, and in trouble, but I also majorly believe in the power of love. I think under the influence of love we stop being so damn selfish and do things that benefit someone besides ourselves. It truly is the healing agent. In the end I've come to realize I don't run on the same operating system as most people, and I fucking love it. Makes me feel like less of a moron. For all I know it makes me more of one, but it's what I'm sticking with.


Anyways, enough about who I am. This post is about a loss of inspiration.

I love creative minds and try my luck at being one. My creativity finds avenues in acting, DJing, writing poetry, song lyrics, making electronic dance music, and whatever idea happens to drive itself into my psyche. I understand that art is an emotional thing, so while I'm no cry baby, I drown myself in emotion and let things affect me as much as possible in hopes that my emotional function will grow strong enough to not make crap. That, and to have emotions at the ready in my acting pursuits. I kinda feel like a lot of what I have made so far is crap, but that's okay, I have enough vision to see what isn't there yet.

The thing is... my creative endeavors have come to a standstill! It's the very reason I find myself writing this. My need to express is intact, but inspiration is lacking. Last thing I began working on was a song titled "Artist Without a Muse". The lyrics are done, and have been for a couple of months now, but the music is not. The song itself tells me what's lacking and I've come to realize I'm in the market for a new muse. A Pam to my Jim Morrison.

I've had a few over the years, and was most inspired back in high school by my high school sweetheart. First love will do that to you. Years later, I ran into her and found she had kept every poem I gave her. It felt like she treasured them. I felt like my efforts met their purpose. I thought I would be met with the same enthusiasm by any girl who inspired me enough to create. If you just laughed at that notion, good for you.

Turns out all that romantic crap you see in movies can come off as needy and weird to some girls. Watch them in the theater and you'd think you have lucked upon a magical talent because hey, I can do that! Don't get me wrong, some things work just as well as the movies. Like just fucking taking a girl and tossing her around like a rag doll while she says your name in a way that only those moments can create. Good times indeed. The cynic in me gets it. The artist in me sees it as a curse. I want both worlds.

If I could just pick anyone, this thing would be a cinch, but it just isn't how it works. It is something completely involuntary. A gut feeling I can't eradicate no matter how hard I try. My current dilemma is that the girl that has inspired me the last few years isn't really on the band wagon and my friends think I'm really stupid now for sticking with it so long. One of them practically sent me an intervention email. It's understandable they would feel that way, after all, I had a girlfriend when I first discovered she inspired me, she had a boyfriend she was really in love with during a lot of this, and we haven't really gone past kissing a few times. The chips have been stacked against me for a while. I shouldn't even have bothered maybe, but I couldn't leave it alone. I bought into the idea of winning her heart and it inspired me to write and create at a time when I had virtually stopped. That felt good.

Here I am again now. I want to feel inspired, but the fire feels expired. I wrote the lyrics to "Artist Without a Muse" when I got drunk a couple of days after giving her something I made on my baby's momma's computer (yes, you read that right) and she hadn't even bothered to text a simple thank you. I went online and while not naming anyone specific, essentially said "you don't appreciate the time I've spent creating things for you, you don't deserve me." It's probably true even, but not the way those things should be said. Needless to say she wasn't happy and neither was the hungover me. She pretty much told me to fuck off. The loss of what I never had, but wanted so badly, drove me to write the lyrics.

Things have mellowed out and we sorta talk again now, but I just don't see any real interest from her, and I'm not about to continue coming off as some needy motherfucker with no life of his own. That ain't me. So what am I supposed to do? No one else I've met inspires me. I can't bring myself to work on the song even though I think I stumbled across the perfect person to help me release it when it's finished. I won't say what else I've made for her because I want it to remain special to her, but I gotta tell you, I keep finding things I had forgotten about that were inspired by her and all I can do is shake my head.

Okay then, I truly feel as my song title says. If it ever gets finished, you'll know what inspired it. We'll see. Right now life feels like I'm a surfer in a completely still ocean, waiting for a good wave to ride again.